God Loves Me, God Loves Me Not

a sermon preached on May 6, 2012 at Douglas Avenue UMC

He loves me, he loves me not.  I spent a few lazy afternoons in junior high plucking petals off of daisies to determine if the boy of my affections would return the favor.  The decision of the flower.  Pluck petal one: He loves me.  Pluck petal two: he loves me not.  Petal three: he loves me. Petal four: he loves me not.

And so on around the face of the flower until the final petal is left...is it a “he loves me petal?” Or a “he loves me not” petal?  While I’m not overly superstitious by nature, I did get a little ping of anxiety if it came up “he loves me not.”  And then I tossed that flower and did another one until I got the answer I wanted.

How many of us have played this game...about God.  God loves me? God loves me not?  God loves me?  God loves me not?

Just this week I spoke with a young woman, who because of her addiction to drugs and subsequent theft found herself entangled in a lifestyle of destruction.  She lived through years of self-destructive behavior and is trying to get her life back on track now.  She is 24. She has a problem with God.

Her problem?  She’s been taught that God is a judging God.  That the goal of God is to kill and destroy the unrighteous.  That our lives are to be spent avoiding the wrath of God.  She also has a problem with church.  She went once a couple years ago and the message she heard went straight to her heart; she felt like the message that day was just for her.  But she hasn’t been back.  She needs new friends. She needs support and guidance.  But she’s certain that the people in that church will judge her and the thought of their judgment is more than she can bear.

If she were to pluck a daisy and pull the petals off a daisy, from her perspective, the last petal would proclaim: God loves me not.  

This holy body, the church, has messed up. We’ve taught it wrong, we’ve lived it wrong and then we wonder why people aren’t attracted to Jesus?  The early followers of Jesus, those first disciples were crazy about Jesus.  They found in him something they’d longed for and imagined but never dreamed possible.  In Jesus they met love and in meeting love, they knew God.

Listen to what John says about God and Jesus:

Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love. God’s love was revealed among us in this way: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins. Beloved, since God loved us so much, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God lives in us, and his love is perfected in us.

By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and do testify that the Father has sent his Son as the Saviour of the world. God abides in those who confess that Jesus is the Son of God, and they abide in God. So we have known and believe the love that God has for us.

God is love, and those who abide in love abide in God, and God abides in them. Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness on the day of judgement, because as he is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love. We love because he first loved us. Those who say, ‘I love God’, and hate their brothers or sisters, are liars; for those who do not love a brother or sister whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen. The commandment we have from him is this: those who love God must love their brothers and sisters also.

There is so much in this passage... I have a feeling you might have heard “love, love, love, blah, blah, blah...”  But I promise you: this passage of Scripture is a heart-stopping, life-changing, lid-blowing couple of paragraphs. In a nutshell:  the last petal always shouts: GOD LOVES ME!

Everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.
You don’t have to know fancy liturgy or big church words or have memorized Scripture.  If you love...you are born of God and you know God.  It’s a formula so simple an illiterate person can understand it.  And so magnificent as to keep the most complex mind and imagination engaged for a lifetime.

In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins.  And a few verses later: we love because God first loved us.
It is my heart’s deep desire that you hear this clearly:  it’s not about how well you’ve loved God. It’s not about how smart you’ve gotten by reading the Bible (reading the Bible and carrying the Word of God in your heart is icing on your cake).  It’s not about how many poor people you’ve fed or how many dollars you’ve given to charity (that’s also icing on the cake...doing those things gives your life meaning, purpose and joy).  It’s not about the high moral code you’ve chosen to follow (there is just one code....love).  

It isn’t that we love God...it’s always that God loves us.  We love, we are able to love, because he first loved us.

In Men in Black II, Agent K is trying to tell a young woman that she is an alien princess and her people need her to lead them.  She’s having a hard time believing that she needs to get in the spacepod and be shot into the sky to return to her people in a faroff place in the galaxy.  To convince her that she truly is an alien princess Agent Kay says this to her:

Agent K: When you get sad it always seems to rain.

Laura: Lots of people get sad when it rains!

And he shakes his head looks her in the eyes and says:  It rains because you're sad, baby.

What comes first: the sadness or the rain?  the chicken or the egg? Our capacity for love or God’s love for us?  God’s love comes first.

We love because God first loved us.  Not because we are so wonderful, though we are!. We love because God loved us.  If you’ve ever loved, it’s because God loved you first.

If you looked into your partner’s eyes and felt love...thank God....that is God in you.

If you hold your baby close and are overwhelmed by the love you feel, thank God...that is God in you.

If you love a friend, thank God...that is God in you...your capacity to love is made possible by God loving you.

If you saw someone hungry, naked or sick or imprisoned and you cared for them in their need, thank God...that’s God in you.

We love because God first loved us.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love.

This is for the kids:  What is the opposite of up?  down

What is the opposite of in?  out

What is the opposite of light?  dark

What is the opposite of good?  bad.


Let’s let the grownups play, too:  What is the opposite of love?  hate?  Nope-kind of a trick question.

The opposite of love is fear.  The thing that love casts out is not hatred.  The thing that perfect love pushes out of us is fear.  With fear gone, we have the capacity to love like God loves us.  God loves us fearlessly.

When we are not afraid...we can love ourselves. Jesus said, Love your neighbor AS you love yourself.

“I do not trust people who don't love themselves and yet tell me, 'I love you.' There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.”  (Maya Angelou)

When we are not afraid...we can love others as they are.  

When we are not afraid...we can love God.  Not fear God, but love God.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love. Those who say, ‘I love God’, and hate their brothers or sisters, are liars; for those who do not love a brother or sister whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen. The commandment we have from him is this: those who love God must love their brothers and sisters also.

This week at our General Conference we wrestled once again with our “official stance” on homosexuality.  Keep in mind members of The United Methodist Church do not have to agree with the official stance of the church, but our official stance does say something about who we are as a denomination.  38% of the 988 delegates were from outside the United States.   

372 were not American, 616 were US Methodists

Of the total 372, 282 of the central conference delegates will be from Africa, up 90 from 2008. The

24 annual conferences in the Philippines will have 48 delegates, the 21 conferences in Europe will have 42, and an additional 10 delegates will come from “concordat” churches with which the denomination has a formal relationship: four from Great Britain and two each from Puerto Rico, Mexico, and the Caribbean and the Americas. The United Methodist Church has special covenant relationships with the Methodist traditions in those countries.

Our delegates have voted again NOT to ordain self-avowed, practicing homosexuals and NOT to offer the church’s blessing on loving, same-sex couples in marriage.  United Methodist churches cannot be used for gay marriages and United Methodist pastors cannot officiate.  

I, of course, am saddened by this official stance and I wonder: What are we afraid of?  

And the real question: does our official stand show fearless love of all our brothers and sisters?  

Does our official stand show the same kind of fearless love God pours out on heterosexuals?  

The church says repeatedly to gays and lesbians:  of course, we love you.  But it is not a healthy love.

If my parents had said to me: we love you so much...but we sure do wish you’d been a boy, boys are better.  I would not have felt unconditional love.

If Mozart’s parents had said to him:  we love you, but would you mind taking up physics instead of playing that piano?  In fact, we want you to cut off your fingers so that you won’t dabble in piano-playing.  But remember....we love you.

If your parents had said to you:  we love you, but please stop being who you are at the core of your being...would you feel loved?

I can only imagine, but I think that must be how the church stance sounds to homosexuals.  We love you, but we want you to stop being you.

And here’s why it might be especially confusing, because of the many ways we have allowed the Bible to be interpreted through the lens of grace...for all kinds of issues, but when we come to homosexuality, we draw a line in the sand.

    Yes, you’re right: the bible speaks very strongly, Jesus speaks very strongly against divorce, but we don’t really have a problem with that anymore...that was a cultural norm for that time and place.

    Yes, you’re right: the bible speaks strongly agains pre-marital sex, but our daughter is really sweet, pregnant, yes, but she’s practically engaged to her boyfriend, so it’s ok for her to get married in the church.  The scripture about that stuff is out-of date.

    Yes, you’re right:  the bible speaks strongly against consumerism and self-indulgence in the face of poverty and hunger.  Jesus tells the rich young ruler to sell everything he has in order to follow Jesus.  But Jesus just meant that one kid, right?

    Yes, you’re right:  Jesus said love your enemy.  Lay down your sword.  Be at peace.  But he didn’t mean Al -quaeda, did he?

Why do we cling with such a tight grip to the six, ambiguous sentences or so that address homosexuality?  Perhaps because by pointing over there at them, we don’t have to take a very hard look at us.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love. Those who say, ‘I love God’, and hate their brothers or sisters, are liars; for those who do not love a brother or sister whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen. The commandment we have from him is this: those who love God must love their brothers and sisters also.

The church may be confused and may not always get it right.  But God is not confused.  

God loves me?  God loves me not?  

There is only God loves me.  God loves me.  God loves you.  God loves me.  God loves you. 

Modern Family: Can You Tell Me How to Get to Sesame Street? (a sermon about non-traditional families and gay marriage preached at Douglas Avenue UMC, 1-29-2012)

Scripture Readings: I Kings 19:9-13

And the word of the LORD came to him: “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

He replied, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”

The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.”

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a still small voice. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?" 

Psalm 139:13-15

For you created my inmost being;

  you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

  your works are wonderful,

  I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

  when I was made in the secret place,

  when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

How many of you pray?  Has God spoken to you?  Have any of you ever felt the nudge from the Holy Spirit?  Have you sensed that God was giving you direction?  

Do you think God is still speaking to God’s people?

Personally, I believe that God is still speaking, because I believe God is still active in our lives and in the life of the church.  

The United Church of Christ launched a media campaign Advent 2004 called “God is still speaking.”  It is a clever double entendre.  It plays on the passage we read about Elijah who heard the voice of a still-speaking God, the small voice to which we must attentively and intentionally pay heed.  But it also proclaims that God is speaking yet today, God is still speaking to us.  The goal of the Still speaking campaign was to solidify the brand and identity of the UCC in America.  Here is one of their ads, titled “The Language of God

PLAY:  Still Speaking God (UCC media campaign)  “Language of God”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZAQ2-hpQoo

Never place a period where God has placed a comma.   I love that. I love that it allows for the Spirit of God to be still at work, alive and moving among the people.

PRAY
A man wrote about walking into a restaurant the other day and seeing that everyone had their heads bowed. For a moment he thought there had been some spiritual awakening in America and they were all praying!

But then he realized everyone was just looking down at their phones.

Remember back in the day when you it was the coolest thing to have two phones in a house. I longed for a second phone in our house growing up.  We had one phone, hung on the wall in the kitchen. So much for privacy.  And if anyone wanted to get a hold of us while I was talking to a friend, forget it.  That phone line was not available until I hung up.  No call waiting.  No message leaving.  Just a busy signal.  

Back then you could leave your house and no one could get a hold of you until you showed up at another place that had a phone.  You could be “out of touch” for hours!

Some people probably remember party lines...phones that were connected through a community switchboard and was dependent on  a person connecting you.  

And then there were the really olden days...no phones at all. If you wanted to talk to someone you had to go see them if you wanted to talk to them or write to them if you wanted some kind of communication.

Things have sure changed.  

And each change has come with both celebration and hostility, anticipation and fear.  Change is both scary and exciting.  

Phone changes and technology are a couple examples of ways in which we have embraced change...or not.  Some of you do not and will not have a cellphone no matter what.  My brother has been like that.  Except now he has a 13-year old son who has a phone and the easiest way to communicate with Jeremy is to text him.  I think my brother will  choose to be in touch with his son and come to grips with his distaste of carrying a cell phone.  

Change pushes us.  It threatens us.  

Over the course of the last few decades we have watched the way we handle relationships in our culture change.  We have moved from the time when my grandmother got pregnant at 17 and was rushed to the altar, to sixty years later my cousin getting pregnant and not getting married at all.   The big controversy: should we throw a baby shower?  If we throw a baby shower will that somehow condone a pregnancy outside of marriage?  Will we be sending the wrong message to the little cousins?  Should we cross our arms and purse our lips and glare in disapproval?  We threw the shower and celebrated the new life that was coming our way.  Nettie became a US statistic: an unwed single mother.

A local couple who were having a hard time finding a pastor to marry them.  The two pastors they had asked had refused to marry them....because they were living together.  This strikes me a bit odd on two counts:  One: if you think couple who live together OUGHT to be married, then getting them married seems like a good course of action.  Second:  I haven’t married very many couples in 16 years of full-time ministry who WERE NOT living together...or had children from prior relationships.  I’m guessing you have children or grandchildren who have made similar choices.  

Change comes....whether we invite it or not.

Gay relationships were perhaps known, but not acknowledged.  And if acknowledged, they were viewed harshly.  Now, in Illinois, civil union is legal for homosexual couples.  

Some moms leave the home and the dad who is left behind raises the kids.  

Back in the day, abused women were told: You made your bed, now lie in it.  Now they are encouraged to get out sooner rather than later.  

Grandparents, Aunts, Sisters have long stepped in to raise children when parents could not.

Unmarried couples with babies on the way used to be rushed down the aisle.  Now some couples with children NEVER got married.

As we look at “Modern Families, I think we can agree: families come in a variety of shapes and sizes.  But that’s not new or modern.  Back in the early 90’s I was watching a lot of Sesame Street.  I was the mother of little children.  Here’s one clip I remember from the 1980s:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYXJlfcfFKU&feature=player_embedded

I was happy for little children everywhere when Sesame Street made a point of describing the different families we live in.  There were single parents with one child, large extended families, mom dad and 2 children families, grandparents and the clip we just saw: I have one daddy, I have two. From Sesame Street’s perspective the perfect family was one in which there was love and the people in the family cared for one another through play, kindness and consideration.

I see the same message being shared in this clip from Modern Family:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aSzTVrP5FQ

This Modern Family is a snapshot of a Sesame Street Family.  It isn’t the “traditional” two parents, two kids, no divorce family we’ve come to associate with some expressions of Christianity.  But it is a family that has love and support at its center.  

Actually even Bible families wouldn’t meet Focus on the Family’s standards for a holy family.  

Abraham and Sarah....and Hagar...the maidsservant.
Abraham’s nephew, Lot, gets drunk and his daughters take advantage of him and get pregnant.
Jacob had two wives and two more women in his harem.
King David had an affair with Bathsheba.
Here’s what the Bible says about King Solomon, a multi-cultural family for sure:
1 Kings 11:1-3 reports,                   

But King Solomon loved many foreign women, as well as the daughter of Pharaoh: women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians, and Hittites; from the nations of whom the LORD had said to the children of Israel,    

“You shall not intermarry with them, nor they with you. Surely they will turn away your hearts after their gods.”  Solomon clung to these in love. And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines; and his wives turned away his heart.

Those are Old Testament stories and reflect the Old Testament culture.  By the time of Jesus and the New Testament, the culture had changed and the families we read about look monogomous.  One husband, one wife = marriage.  

By our time, the culture has evolved two more millenia and as a country we are increasingly embracing the idea that any two adults, regardless of sexual orientation, may covenant to be faithful, loyal, supportive and loving for a lifetime. In some states, seven of them, homosexual partners may be married.  In another ten states, civil union provides legal protection for same sex couples.  


What’s a good Christian to think?

As you already know, I’m sure, Christians are deeply divided on this issue...because they take the Bible seriously.

But most Christians don’t take the bible seriously enough to study it.  Or, for that matter, even read it much.  

As you may know, biblical ignorance is an epidemic in the United States. A recent study quoted by Dr. Peter Gomes in The Good Book found that 38 percent of Americans polled were certain the Old Testament was written a few years after Jesus' death. Ten percent believed Joan of Arc was Noah's wife. Many even thought the epistles were the wives of the apostles.

This same kind of biblical ignorance is all too present around the topic of homosexuality. Often people who love and trust God's Word have never given careful and prayerful attention to what the Bible does or doesn't say about homosexuality.  Even though they may have a very strong opinion about it.

For example, many Christians don't know that:

• Jesus says nothing about same-sex behavior.
• The Jewish prophets are silent about homosexuality.
• Only six or seven of the Bible's one million verses refer to same-sex behavior in any way

Lev. 18:22 “‘Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable.

Lev. 20:13 “‘If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable (it is an abomination). They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.    

But look what else is detestable to the Lord;  Dt. 22:5  “A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the LORD your God detests (it is an abomination) anyone who does this.”

In Romans, Paul writes that as punishment for not giving glory to God, former people were given over to the sinful nature of their hearts, women with women, men with men, among other behvaiors such as greed, malice, disobeying parents, gossip, slander...all are lumped together.

With regard to Biblical scholarship, scholars are split as to the interpretation of the verses about homosexuality.  The Bible doesn’t address homosexuality as a sexual orientation, the way a person comes into the world, but as the behavior of people who are out of control sexually and morally.  In fact, the actual word “homosexual” isn’t found in Hebrew or Greek or Aramaic at all.  And it only appears in English translations of the Bible around 1970.  

To be sure, some of our sexual behaviors are out of control morally...the rampant use of pornography comes to mind.  The sex/slave trade.  The abuse of children.  

But are those out-of-control sexual behaviors to be lumped together with same-sex adults who desire to be in covenant with one another?

Homosexuality isn’t really addressed in Scripture as a sexual orientation.  I believe It is addressed as an out-of-control sexuality.  

Last week we discussed the ways United Methodists wrestle with difficult topics and the tools they use to come to decisions.

SCRIPTURE  ---   TRADITION  ---  REASON  ---  EXPERIENCE

If you approach Scripture about homosexuality the same way you approach it about divorce or women wearing men’s clothing, or wearing gold jewelry or stoning to death sons who are rebellious...which is to say...culturally bound and begging for new interpretation, you may come to new conclusions.  

As for tradition: we United Methodists are conflicted. We do not all agree about homosexuality.  Here’s what the Social Principles say...and keep in mind, both you and I are free to agree or disagree with this stand.  But here is the “official United Methodist” position:

Book of Discipline, 2008
Human Sexuality—We affirm that sexuality is God’s good gift to all persons. We call everyone to  responsible stewardship of this sacred gift.  Although all persons are sexual beings whether or not they are married, sexual relations are affirmed only with the covenant of monogamous, heterosexual marriage.  

All persons, regardless of age, gender, marital status, or sexual orientation, are entitled to have their human and civil rights ensured and to be protected against violence. The Church should support the family in providing age-appropriate education regarding sexuality to children, youth, and adults.

We affirm that all persons are individuals of sacred worth, created in the image of God. All persons need the ministry of the Church in their struggles for human fulfillment, as well as the spiritual and emotional care of a fellowship that enables reconciling relationships with God, with others, and with self.

The United Methodist Church does not condone the practice of homosexuality and consider this practice incompatible with Christian teaching. We affirm that God’s grace is available to all. We will seek to live together in Christian community, welcoming, forgiving, and loving one another, as Christ has loved and accepted us.  We implore families and churches not to reject or condemn lesbian and gay members and friends. We commit ourselves to be in ministry for and with all persons.

Every four years United Methodists elect delegates who gather together and vote on these official positions.  This May will be another gathering and another heated debate about the full inclusion of homosexuals.  Will we allow our pastors to officiate at gay marriages and civil unions?  Will we ordain “self-avowed, practicing homosexuals”?  

REASON:  What does your intellect say about homosexuality?  This is where debates about nature vs. nurture come in.  Are people born gay or do they choose it?  

EXPERIENCE:  What has been your experience with friends or family members or yourself around the issue of homosexuality?  My experience has been listening to broken hearted people WHO LOVE GOD WITH THEIR WHOLE HEARTS question their human worth in light of their undeniable sexual orientation.

Thirty years ago as I sat on the steps of the Duke Chapel, a young woman with whom I clicked, which is to say we hit it off, we were kindred spirits, we got each other...shared with me a very private revelation: she was a lesbian. In my youth and fear of stepping outside the church’s doctrine, I told her she probably ought to plan on being celibate because her sexual orientation, the way she was made, her self, made in the image of God, was defective. In so many words, I expressed to her that at the core of who she was, she was an abomination to God.  

Surprisingly, she didn’t just say “See ya.”  She remained my dear friend.  She read Scripture at my wedding and she kept talking to me about who she was and the difficulties she faced.  

Thirty years later a 23-year old man sat in my church office and shared with me a private revelation: he is gay.  In the intervening thirty years, I had heard more stories, listened to more broken hearts, witnessed more shame and fear, and listened for the still, small voice of God.  What I told that young man was that I didn’t think God was all that worked up over his sexual orientation. I now think God may be more interested in the covenants we make and keep.  I encouraged him to find a partner, fall in love and bind himself to that one for a lifetime.  

I can tell you where I am on this issue today.  It is not the way I thought about it 30 years ago.  And I cannot speak to my position in 30 more years.  But for today, for me, having applied my understanding of and love for Scripture, having applied reason to the best of my ability, having listened to my tradition and factoring in my experiences:

I am in favor of gay marriage.  

I believe strongly in the sanctity of marriage, the holiness of marriage, and hope for the day when all people, regardless of sexual orientation will be allowed to stand before God and promise to be faithful, loving and loyal.  I hope for the day when all people, regardless of sexual orientation, will be allowed to receive the blessing of God and the supoort of their community of faith as they make their way through life.

But, I am one pastor among thousands, and we don’t all agree.

I am one United Methodist among millioins of United Methodists and we don’t all agree.  

I am one Christian among billions of Christians and we don’t all agree.

I don’t know why sincerely faithful, God-loving people can pick up the Bible, read it and come to vastly divergent conclusions.  It would be so much easier if we all ended up in the same place!  

Perhaps we’ve misunderstood the goal God has set before us.  We’ve thought that the goal of our faith is to be right.  Perhaps the challenge of faith is to be love...even when we disagree.  Perhaps the challenge of the faith journey is to be the One Body of Christ even when we don’t see eye to eye.  Perhaps the litmus test that will reveal if we are “real Christians, good Christians” isn’t our stand on homosexuality, but our ability to live and love one another within the tension of not agreeing.

I wish you well as you listen to Scripture, Tradition, Reason and Experience.  

I pray that love will be the outcome...whatever you decide.