Gina, I’ve know you for six years, and you are one of the funniest people I have ever met. Your wit is quick and sharp and funny! And I love watching Vern watch you...you make this man smile and laugh!
We can’t get too far into this message before I state the obvious: Gina, you are an important part of this church family and we are so pleased to share this day with you. I probably ought to warn Vern: you aren’t just gaining a mother-in-law who is called “the Church Lady.” (Frankly, just gaining Carol would be trouble enough!) But, you are inheriting a whole church full of church ladies, and as every pastor will tell you: don’t mess with the church ladies! They will love you fiercely and claim you as their own. Here’s my solemn promise to you: As long as Gina’s happy, they’ll be happy and everything will be fine!
Vern, you are a gifted mechanic...in fact, both you and Gina are amazing to me. Your ability to take what is broken, evaluate the problem and then solve it is a gift. I’m guessing that in the course of your years of fixing things, large and small, you’ve discovered that the best form of prevention is regular maintenance. An engine without regular oil changes or that runs out of oil is in danger.
Marriage is kind of like that. Just as a car or a lawn mower won’t run without being tended and maintained, so, too, a marriage.
Maintenance in marriage takes the form of frequent conversation, regular dates for fun, eye contact and long kisses. It can be working together on a project, playing with friends and just hanging out. Maintenance is making sure that the dreams and desires of your partner are remembered and discussed as you build a life together and reach for those goals.
But even a well-maintained motor sometimes needs more than a quart of oil. When you hit those times, do what you do now: examine and find where the relationship has broken down, evaluate the problem, and proceed with the repair. If you get to a place where you don’t how to move forward, ask a friend for advice or break out the manual.
For Christians, our “manual” is the Word of God, the Bible. The passage I just read is from the Bible and it tells us how to love.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
When you’ve hit a rough spot, as every marriage does, re-read that passage of Scripture and ask yourself: Have I been patient? Have I been kind? Have I been rude? (Note: this is not, Ask yourself, “Has he been patient? Has she been kind?) The only person you have control over is you. So, examine your behavior: Have I been easily-angered? Have I been remembering past hurts and throwing them into the conversation? Am I delighting in Gina? Am I protecting Vern? Am I trustworthy? Am I placing my trust in my husband? In my wife? Am I keeping the hope we have to be married forever alive? Am I determined to let love win?
It seems wherever I go these days I see the following little poem stitched into pillows and sent in emails and posted on facebook. It reads:
Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching.
I love that! The problem, of course, is that we do need money, we have been hurt, and someone is always watching.
Would any of us work if we didn’t need money? And dancing? I hope at least for today you have a great time dancing even with everyone watching!
But love and hurt? Who can forget the hurts that have shaped our hearts? I can't tell you how to love; I celebrate that it is love that has brought you here today. But I will say that the best lovers and most compassionate people are those who have been hurt, who are sensitive to danger, who
have known the power of cruel words and actions, and because of that sorrow, as those who have been hurt, act in such a way as to spare those whom they love.
All the events of your lives, good, bad and otherwise, work together to make each of us the person we are today. My prayer for you is that life’s lessons have given you wisdom, softened your hearts, taught you humility, made you vulnerable to one another and drawn you closer to God. It is my hope that you will have a strong love like that. One that tenderly protects, gently speaks, deeply listens and laughs every day. (I’m not too worried about the laughter!)
Vern and Gina... From this day forward, you will no longer be two individuals in a relationship. You will become each other's family. Today you proclaim that you have chosen each other. Your first allegiance, after loving God, is to one another. The bond you enter into is an expression of your love and your will. Not just your feelings, but also the choices you make.
Today, each of you are stating to the world, that you are putting your partner's needs before you own. That you are committing to the growth and well-being of your partner. That you are pledging your love and support for each other at all times. That under all circumstances, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, you will put each other's needs before your own.
These are not things that can be mandated by the state. Signing the marriage certificate after the service won’t make it so. These are not things that can be dictated by legal contract.... These are pledges you make in your hearts, with your hearts. My best wisdom for you is this: A heart in tune with God is best prepared to love, to forgive, to heal and to grow. My hope for you is that you will love God, be loved by God and from that endless source of love you will continue to fall in love with each through the years ahead. Amen.
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