Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Modern Family: Can You Tell Me How to Get to Sesame Street? (a sermon about non-traditional families and gay marriage preached at Douglas Avenue UMC, 1-29-2012)

Scripture Readings: I Kings 19:9-13
And the word of the LORD came to him: “What are you doing here, Elijah?”


He replied, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”

The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.”


Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a still small voice. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?" 

Psalm 139:13-15
For you created my inmost being;
  you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
  your works are wonderful,
  I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
  when I was made in the secret place,
  when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.



How many of you pray?  Has God spoken to you?  Have any of you ever felt the nudge from the Holy Spirit?  Have you sensed that God was giving you direction?  

Do you think God is still speaking to God’s people?

Personally, I believe that God is still speaking, because I believe God is still active in our lives and in the life of the church.  

The United Church of Christ launched a media campaign Advent 2004 called “God is still speaking.”  It is a clever double entendre.  It plays on the passage we read about Elijah who heard the voice of a still-speaking God, the small voice to which we must attentively and intentionally pay heed.  But it also proclaims that God is speaking yet today, God is still speaking to us.  The goal of the Still speaking campaign was to solidify the brand and identity of the UCC in America.  Here is one of their ads, titled “The Language of God

PLAY:  Still Speaking God (UCC media campaign)  “Language of God”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZAQ2-hpQoo

Never place a period where God has placed a comma.   I love that. I love that it allows for the Spirit of God to be still at work, alive and moving among the people.

PRAY
A man wrote about walking into a restaurant the other day and seeing that everyone had their heads bowed. For a moment he thought there had been some spiritual awakening in America and they were all praying!

But then he realized everyone was just looking down at their phones.

Remember back in the day when you it was the coolest thing to have two phones in a house. I longed for a second phone in our house growing up.  We had one phone, hung on the wall in the kitchen. So much for privacy.  And if anyone wanted to get a hold of us while I was talking to a friend, forget it.  That phone line was not available until I hung up.  No call waiting.  No message leaving.  Just a busy signal.  

Back then you could leave your house and no one could get a hold of you until you showed up at another place that had a phone.  You could be “out of touch” for hours!

Some people probably remember party lines...phones that were connected through a community switchboard and was dependent on  a person connecting you.  

And then there were the really olden days...no phones at all. If you wanted to talk to someone you had to go see them if you wanted to talk to them or write to them if you wanted some kind of communication.

Things have sure changed.  

And each change has come with both celebration and hostility, anticipation and fear.  Change is both scary and exciting.  

Phone changes and technology are a couple examples of ways in which we have embraced change...or not.  Some of you do not and will not have a cellphone no matter what.  My brother has been like that.  Except now he has a 13-year old son who has a phone and the easiest way to communicate with Jeremy is to text him.  I think my brother will  choose to be in touch with his son and come to grips with his distaste of carrying a cell phone.  

Change pushes us.  It threatens us.  

Over the course of the last few decades we have watched the way we handle relationships in our culture change.  We have moved from the time when my grandmother got pregnant at 17 and was rushed to the altar, to sixty years later my cousin getting pregnant and not getting married at all.   The big controversy: should we throw a baby shower?  If we throw a baby shower will that somehow condone a pregnancy outside of marriage?  Will we be sending the wrong message to the little cousins?  Should we cross our arms and purse our lips and glare in disapproval?  We threw the shower and celebrated the new life that was coming our way.  Nettie became a US statistic: an unwed single mother.

A local couple who were having a hard time finding a pastor to marry them.  The two pastors they had asked had refused to marry them....because they were living together.  This strikes me a bit odd on two counts:  One: if you think couple who live together OUGHT to be married, then getting them married seems like a good course of action.  Second:  I haven’t married very many couples in 16 years of full-time ministry who WERE NOT living together...or had children from prior relationships.  I’m guessing you have children or grandchildren who have made similar choices.  

Change comes....whether we invite it or not.

Gay relationships were perhaps known, but not acknowledged.  And if acknowledged, they were viewed harshly.  Now, in Illinois, civil union is legal for homosexual couples.  

Some moms leave the home and the dad who is left behind raises the kids.  

Back in the day, abused women were told: You made your bed, now lie in it.  Now they are encouraged to get out sooner rather than later.  

Grandparents, Aunts, Sisters have long stepped in to raise children when parents could not.

Unmarried couples with babies on the way used to be rushed down the aisle.  Now some couples with children NEVER got married.

As we look at “Modern Families, I think we can agree: families come in a variety of shapes and sizes.  But that’s not new or modern.  Back in the early 90’s I was watching a lot of Sesame Street.  I was the mother of little children.  Here’s one clip I remember from the 1980s:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYXJlfcfFKU&feature=player_embedded

I was happy for little children everywhere when Sesame Street made a point of describing the different families we live in.  There were single parents with one child, large extended families, mom dad and 2 children families, grandparents and the clip we just saw: I have one daddy, I have two. From Sesame Street’s perspective the perfect family was one in which there was love and the people in the family cared for one another through play, kindness and consideration.

I see the same message being shared in this clip from Modern Family:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aSzTVrP5FQ

This Modern Family is a snapshot of a Sesame Street Family.  It isn’t the “traditional” two parents, two kids, no divorce family we’ve come to associate with some expressions of Christianity.  But it is a family that has love and support at its center.  

Actually even Bible families wouldn’t meet Focus on the Family’s standards for a holy family.  

Abraham and Sarah....and Hagar...the maidsservant.
Abraham’s nephew, Lot, gets drunk and his daughters take advantage of him and get pregnant.
Jacob had two wives and two more women in his harem.
King David had an affair with Bathsheba.
Here’s what the Bible says about King Solomon, a multi-cultural family for sure:
1 Kings 11:1-3 reports,                   
But King Solomon loved many foreign women, as well as the daughter of Pharaoh: women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians, and Hittites; from the nations of whom the LORD had said to the children of Israel,    
“You shall not intermarry with them, nor they with you. Surely they will turn away your hearts after their gods.”  Solomon clung to these in love. And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines; and his wives turned away his heart.

Those are Old Testament stories and reflect the Old Testament culture.  By the time of Jesus and the New Testament, the culture had changed and the families we read about look monogomous.  One husband, one wife = marriage.  

By our time, the culture has evolved two more millenia and as a country we are increasingly embracing the idea that any two adults, regardless of sexual orientation, may covenant to be faithful, loyal, supportive and loving for a lifetime. In some states, seven of them, homosexual partners may be married.  In another ten states, civil union provides legal protection for same sex couples.  


What’s a good Christian to think?

As you already know, I’m sure, Christians are deeply divided on this issue...because they take the Bible seriously.

But most Christians don’t take the bible seriously enough to study it.  Or, for that matter, even read it much.  

As you may know, biblical ignorance is an epidemic in the United States. A recent study quoted by Dr. Peter Gomes in The Good Book found that 38 percent of Americans polled were certain the Old Testament was written a few years after Jesus' death. Ten percent believed Joan of Arc was Noah's wife. Many even thought the epistles were the wives of the apostles.

This same kind of biblical ignorance is all too present around the topic of homosexuality. Often people who love and trust God's Word have never given careful and prayerful attention to what the Bible does or doesn't say about homosexuality.  Even though they may have a very strong opinion about it.

For example, many Christians don't know that:
  • Jesus says nothing about same-sex behavior.
  • The Jewish prophets are silent about homosexuality.
  • Only six or seven of the Bible's one million verses refer to same-sex behavior in any way


Lev. 18:22 “‘Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable.

Lev. 20:13 “‘If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable (it is an abomination). They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.    

But look what else is detestable to the Lord;  Dt. 22:5  “A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the LORD your God detests (it is an abomination) anyone who does this.”

In Romans, Paul writes that as punishment for not giving glory to God, former people were given over to the sinful nature of their hearts, women with women, men with men, among other behvaiors such as greed, malice, disobeying parents, gossip, slander...all are lumped together.

With regard to Biblical scholarship, scholars are split as to the interpretation of the verses about homosexuality.  The Bible doesn’t address homosexuality as a sexual orientation, the way a person comes into the world, but as the behavior of people who are out of control sexually and morally.  In fact, the actual word “homosexual” isn’t found in Hebrew or Greek or Aramaic at all.  And it only appears in English translations of the Bible around 1970.  

To be sure, some of our sexual behaviors are out of control morally...the rampant use of pornography comes to mind.  The sex/slave trade.  The abuse of children.  

But are those out-of-control sexual behaviors to be lumped together with same-sex adults who desire to be in covenant with one another?

Homosexuality isn’t really addressed in Scripture as a sexual orientation.  I believe It is addressed as an out-of-control sexuality.  

Last week we discussed the ways United Methodists wrestle with difficult topics and the tools they use to come to decisions.

SCRIPTURE  ---   TRADITION  ---  REASON  ---  EXPERIENCE

If you approach Scripture about homosexuality the same way you approach it about divorce or women wearing men’s clothing, or wearing gold jewelry or stoning to death sons who are rebellious...which is to say...culturally bound and begging for new interpretation, you may come to new conclusions.  

As for tradition: we United Methodists are conflicted. We do not all agree about homosexuality.  Here’s what the Social Principles say...and keep in mind, both you and I are free to agree or disagree with this stand.  But here is the “official United Methodist” position:

Book of Discipline, 2008
Human Sexuality—We affirm that sexuality is God’s good gift to all persons. We call everyone to  responsible stewardship of this sacred gift.  Although all persons are sexual beings whether or not they are married, sexual relations are affirmed only with the covenant of monogamous, heterosexual marriage.  

All persons, regardless of age, gender, marital status, or sexual orientation, are entitled to have their human and civil rights ensured and to be protected against violence. The Church should support the family in providing age-appropriate education regarding sexuality to children, youth, and adults.

We affirm that all persons are individuals of sacred worth, created in the image of God. All persons need the ministry of the Church in their struggles for human fulfillment, as well as the spiritual and emotional care of a fellowship that enables reconciling relationships with God, with others, and with self.

The United Methodist Church does not condone the practice of homosexuality and consider this practice incompatible with Christian teaching. We affirm that God’s grace is available to all. We will seek to live together in Christian community, welcoming, forgiving, and loving one another, as Christ has loved and accepted us.  We implore families and churches not to reject or condemn lesbian and gay members and friends. We commit ourselves to be in ministry for and with all persons.

Every four years United Methodists elect delegates who gather together and vote on these official positions.  This May will be another gathering and another heated debate about the full inclusion of homosexuals.  Will we allow our pastors to officiate at gay marriages and civil unions?  Will we ordain “self-avowed, practicing homosexuals”?  

REASON:  What does your intellect say about homosexuality?  This is where debates about nature vs. nurture come in.  Are people born gay or do they choose it?  

EXPERIENCE:  What has been your experience with friends or family members or yourself around the issue of homosexuality?  My experience has been listening to broken hearted people WHO LOVE GOD WITH THEIR WHOLE HEARTS question their human worth in light of their undeniable sexual orientation.

Thirty years ago as I sat on the steps of the Duke Chapel, a young woman with whom I clicked, which is to say we hit it off, we were kindred spirits, we got each other...shared with me a very private revelation: she was a lesbian. In my youth and fear of stepping outside the church’s doctrine, I told her she probably ought to plan on being celibate because her sexual orientation, the way she was made, her self, made in the image of God, was defective. In so many words, I expressed to her that at the core of who she was, she was an abomination to God.  

Surprisingly, she didn’t just say “See ya.”  She remained my dear friend.  She read Scripture at my wedding and she kept talking to me about who she was and the difficulties she faced.  

Thirty years later a 23-year old man sat in my church office and shared with me a private revelation: he is gay.  In the intervening thirty years, I had heard more stories, listened to more broken hearts, witnessed more shame and fear, and listened for the still, small voice of God.  What I told that young man was that I didn’t think God was all that worked up over his sexual orientation. I now think God may be more interested in the covenants we make and keep.  I encouraged him to find a partner, fall in love and bind himself to that one for a lifetime.  

I can tell you where I am on this issue today.  It is not the way I thought about it 30 years ago.  And I cannot speak to my position in 30 more years.  But for today, for me, having applied my understanding of and love for Scripture, having applied reason to the best of my ability, having listened to my tradition and factoring in my experiences:

I am in favor of gay marriage.  

I believe strongly in the sanctity of marriage, the holiness of marriage, and hope for the day when all people, regardless of sexual orientation will be allowed to stand before God and promise to be faithful, loving and loyal.  I hope for the day when all people, regardless of sexual orientation, will be allowed to receive the blessing of God and the supoort of their community of faith as they make their way through life.

But, I am one pastor among thousands, and we don’t all agree.

I am one United Methodist among millioins of United Methodists and we don’t all agree.  

I am one Christian among billions of Christians and we don’t all agree.

I don’t know why sincerely faithful, God-loving people can pick up the Bible, read it and come to vastly divergent conclusions.  It would be so much easier if we all ended up in the same place!  

Perhaps we’ve misunderstood the goal God has set before us.  We’ve thought that the goal of our faith is to be right.  Perhaps the challenge of faith is to be love...even when we disagree.  Perhaps the challenge of the faith journey is to be the One Body of Christ even when we don’t see eye to eye.  Perhaps the litmus test that will reveal if we are “real Christians, good Christians” isn’t our stand on homosexuality, but our ability to live and love one another within the tension of not agreeing.

I wish you well as you listen to Scripture, Tradition, Reason and Experience.  

I pray that love will be the outcome...whatever you decide.


Modern Family: Untying the Knot (sermon at Douglas Avenue UMC, 1-22-2012)

So what does God think about divorce?

“I hate divorce.”

That’s what God says in Malachi 2:16. That’s pretty strong language!  

What would be wrong with taking our Bibles and smacking people upside the head  and saying:  “That’s What the Bible Says About Divorce.”

Let’s review:  our approach to the Bible is the first choice we make.  Before we ever crack it open...we have to decide:  Literal and word-for-word binding?  Inspired and metaphorical?  Instructive and Living?  Scientifice and Historical?  

The first thing we have to decide is HOW we are going to approach the Bible.  As you know, I am in favor of taking a step back and looking for the broad strokes and the deep truth.  Sentence by sentence, word by word the Bible has been a weapon in the hands of well-meaning people, desiring to honor the Word of God, but, from my point of view, missing the mark.

PRAYER

Our grandparents passed it on to our parents. Our parents passed it on to us.  We pass it to our children and they to theirs.  It might be called the Great Fairy Tale Fantasy.  It says of the hero and heroine at the end of the romantic adventure, “And they got married and lived happily every after.”*

In storybooks that maybe always true, but in real life it is not the case.  Even in our grandparents’ time, divorce was present, though not so publicized. In 1920, 1 in 7 American marriages ended in divorce.  By 1960 it was 1 in 4, by 1970, 1 in 3, and today the number is close to 1 in 2.*

God hates divorce and I hate divorce, too.  

But really, who here LOVES divorce?  It’s a hard concept to love.  It is an ugly word.  It symbolizes the death of a dream, the end of a love, the breaking of a heart or two.

What comes to mind when you hear the word divorce?  

A church staff was asked that same question and came up with these descriptions: sadness, pain, failure, unsuccessful marriage, shameful perhaps, heartbreak, civil dissolution of a marriage, anger, hurt kids, regrets, ache, broken.*

I don’t believe that any divorced person, on their wedding day, made their vows intending to one day end their relationship in divorce.  I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that every person who gets married hopes their love will grow and their trust will be protected.

Having said that - believing that people start out with high hopes and good intentions - it is also true that many marriages do not make it.  Many once happy couples end up estranged and bitter.  

Truth is, either...
    We are divorced.  Or,
    Our children/grandchildren are divorced. Or,
    Our parents are divorced. Or,
    Our friends, siblings, co-workers, church family members are divorced.

Divorce, sadly, happens.  Whether the divorce is for the best or it came out of the blue, divorce happens.  For a variety of reasons;
    people have affairs
    people discover their spouse is abusive
    people refuse to live any longer as a victim of their spouse’s addiction
    people get bored
    people fall out of love
    people get tempted with new and shinier relationships

Divorce happens and we all know someone whom we love and care about who has gone through the pain of divorce.

I’ve shared one Bible verse says that God hates divorce.  

If we wanted to, we could string together a bunch of bible verses and show how divorce is contrary to God’s will.

The OldTestament allowed men to initiate divorce: Deuteronomy 24:1–4                
“When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man’s wife, and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God gives you as an inheritance."


Jesus says:
"...and the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”  


In the house the disciples began questioning Him about this again.  And He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.”

Jesus says it plainly: Every one who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery. 

And as we all know, adultery made the Top Ten:  Thou shalt not commit adultery.  

But the Word of God also says:
          Psalm 46:1-3
God is our refuge and strength, a help always near in times of great trouble. That’s why we won’t be afraid when the world falls apart, when the mountains crumble into the center of the sea, when its waters roar and rage, when the mountains shake because of its surging waves.

Jeremiah 29:10-14
The LORD proclaims: When Babylon’s seventy years are up, I will come and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place. I know the plans I have in mind for you, declares the LORD ; they are plans for peace, not disaster, to give you a future filled with hope. When you call me and come and pray to me, I will listen to you. When you search for me, yes, search for me with all your heart, you will find me. I will be present for you, declares the LORD , and I will end your captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have scattered you, and I will bring you home after your long exile, declares the LORD .
 
Romans 8:33-39
Who will bring a charge against God’s elect people? It is God who acquits them. Who is going to convict them? It is Christ Jesus who died, even more, who was raised, and who also is at God’s right side. It is Christ Jesus who also pleads our case for us.


Who will separate us from Christ’s love? Will we be separated by trouble, or distress, or harassment, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?  As it is written, We are being put to death all day long for your sake. We are treated like sheep for slaughter. 

But in all these things we win a sweeping victory through the one who loved us. I’m convinced that nothing can separate us from God’s love in Christ Jesus our Lord: not death or life, not angels or rulers, not present things or future things, not powers  or height or depth, or any other thing that is created, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.



For years, the church held a strong line against divorce.  Many people were ostracized by the church as it enforced strict policies against those who got divorces.  Some churches still make it very difficult to get divorced and remain a member of the community of faith.


So what does the United Methodist Church say about divorce?

God’s plan is for lifelong, faithful marriage. The church must be on the forefront of premarital, marital, and post marital counseling in order to create and preserve strong marriages.

However, when a married couple is estranged beyond reconciliation, even after thoughtful consideration and counsel, divorce is a regrettable alternative in the midst of brokenness. We grieve over the devastating emotional, spiritual, and economic consequences of divorce for all involved, understanding that women and especially children are disproportionately impacted by such burdens. As the church we are concerned about high divorce rates. It is recommended that methods of mediation be used to minimize the adversarial nature and fault-finding that are often part of our current judicial processes encouraging reconciliation wherever possible. We also support efforts by governments to reform divorce laws and other aspects of family law in order to address negative trends such as high divorce rates.

Although divorce publicly declares that a marriage no longer exists, other covenantal relationships resulting from the marriage remain, such as the nurture and support of children and extended family ties. We urge respectful negotiations in deciding the custody of minor children and support the consideration of either or both parents for this responsibility in that custody not be reduced to financial support, control, or manipulation and retaliation. The welfare of each child is the most important consideration.

Divorce does not preclude a new marriage. We encourage an intentional commitment of the Church and society to minister compassionately to those in the process of divorce, as well as members of divorced and remarried families, in a community of faith where God’s grace is shared by all.

From The Book of Discipline of The United Methodist Church - 2008. Copyright 2008 by The United Methodist Publishing House. Used by permission.


The Wesleyan Quadrilateral, a concept accredited to John Wesley, (but named by Albert Outler), helps us figure out what we believe and helps us form our theology. By using the tools of Scripture, Tradition, Reason and Experience we can come to discover our stand on important issues.  Wesley would put a heavy emphasis on Scripture, but not to the exclusion of the other three.  

We’ver looked at SCRIPTURE and I’ve shared with you what our TRADITION, United Methodism has to say.

Now let’s use our heads.
I read this story from another pastor (regrets...I didn’t save the link)  
   
Imagine your home is surrounded by a four-foot high, foot wide stone wall.  Beautiful! But you have fours sons who view that wall as a bicycle challenge.  You’ve told them over and over and over again that they MAY NOT ride their bikes on the wall. Ever.  

But, of course, one day one son decides to ride his bike on the wall.  And as feared, he falls off the wall and breaks his leg.

What should his parent do?  Shout about disobedience and rule-breaking and storm off?  Or take a look at that leg and get medical attention?  

REASON DICTATES:  taking care of the broken leg is paramount.  I believe God operates much the same way.  God’s rules are for our safety, protection and well-being.  But when we have broken the rules and end up broken ourselves, the reasonable thing is for a loving God to tend to our spiritual hurts and work to make us well again.

EXPERIENCE:  My experience of God is grace, love, forgiveness, fresh starts, strength when I am weak, guidance when I am lost.  

I hope that is your experience of God, too.

Imagine, if you will, shopping for school supplies.  On every child’s list is a box of crayons.  I know you have collected hundreds of crayons, slightly worn or broken in half in the course of your life.  Crayons that could still work.  But is there anything more beautiful than a box of brand new crayons...you can see in your mind’s eye exactly how they look....the wrapper is whole and clean as it wraps around the middle, the tip is just right....a new crayon is a little bit of heaven.

Box of new crayons. A woman came to Douglas a number of years ago for the first time on New Year’s Day and was given a box of brand new crayons.  There is no way the pastor that day could have known her particular pain.  She’d been unwelcome at other churches because she was getting divorced.  Her heart was broken her spirit crushed and she was seeking solace and healing. When she walked in to Douglas and received a box of brand new crayons symbolizing a fresh start and a new beginning, she began to sense a future of hope and resurrection.

I believe the gospel was preached in that box of crayons.

As we sing our closing song, Hymn of Promise please note that this is usually used around death as a promise of a future with God.  The promise of God isn’t that we won’t die, but that death cannot, will not, shall not be the end.

If divorce is  kind of death, our faith teaches us to look past death to new life.  Thanks be to God.






(Acknowledment to: FAMILY MATTERS: #3, “DIVORCE: When a Marriage Falls Apart” 5-16-10, Rev Dr. Michael Dent, Trinity UMC Denver, CO, for some thoughts and framework).