Modern Family: Untying the Knot (sermon at Douglas Avenue UMC, 1-22-2012)

So what does God think about divorce?

“I hate divorce.”

That’s what God says in Malachi 2:16. That’s pretty strong language!  

What would be wrong with taking our Bibles and smacking people upside the head  and saying:  “That’s What the Bible Says About Divorce.”

Let’s review:  our approach to the Bible is the first choice we make.  Before we ever crack it open...we have to decide:  Literal and word-for-word binding?  Inspired and metaphorical?  Instructive and Living?  Scientifice and Historical?  

The first thing we have to decide is HOW we are going to approach the Bible.  As you know, I am in favor of taking a step back and looking for the broad strokes and the deep truth.  Sentence by sentence, word by word the Bible has been a weapon in the hands of well-meaning people, desiring to honor the Word of God, but, from my point of view, missing the mark.

PRAYER

Our grandparents passed it on to our parents. Our parents passed it on to us.  We pass it to our children and they to theirs.  It might be called the Great Fairy Tale Fantasy.  It says of the hero and heroine at the end of the romantic adventure, “And they got married and lived happily every after.”*

In storybooks that maybe always true, but in real life it is not the case.  Even in our grandparents’ time, divorce was present, though not so publicized. In 1920, 1 in 7 American marriages ended in divorce.  By 1960 it was 1 in 4, by 1970, 1 in 3, and today the number is close to 1 in 2.*

God hates divorce and I hate divorce, too.  

But really, who here LOVES divorce?  It’s a hard concept to love.  It is an ugly word.  It symbolizes the death of a dream, the end of a love, the breaking of a heart or two.

What comes to mind when you hear the word divorce?  

A church staff was asked that same question and came up with these descriptions: sadness, pain, failure, unsuccessful marriage, shameful perhaps, heartbreak, civil dissolution of a marriage, anger, hurt kids, regrets, ache, broken.*

I don’t believe that any divorced person, on their wedding day, made their vows intending to one day end their relationship in divorce.  I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that every person who gets married hopes their love will grow and their trust will be protected.

Having said that - believing that people start out with high hopes and good intentions - it is also true that many marriages do not make it.  Many once happy couples end up estranged and bitter.  

Truth is, either...
    We are divorced.  Or,
    Our children/grandchildren are divorced. Or,
    Our parents are divorced. Or,
    Our friends, siblings, co-workers, church family members are divorced.

Divorce, sadly, happens.  Whether the divorce is for the best or it came out of the blue, divorce happens.  For a variety of reasons;
    people have affairs
    people discover their spouse is abusive
    people refuse to live any longer as a victim of their spouse’s addiction
    people get bored
    people fall out of love
    people get tempted with new and shinier relationships

Divorce happens and we all know someone whom we love and care about who has gone through the pain of divorce.

I’ve shared one Bible verse says that God hates divorce.  

If we wanted to, we could string together a bunch of bible verses and show how divorce is contrary to God’s will.

The OldTestament allowed men to initiate divorce: Deuteronomy 24:1–4                

“When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man’s wife, and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God gives you as an inheritance."

Jesus says:
"...and the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”  


In the house the disciples began questioning Him about this again.  And He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.”

Jesus says it plainly: Every one who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery. 

And as we all know, adultery made the Top Ten:  Thou shalt not commit adultery.  

But the Word of God also says:
          Psalm 46:1-3

God is our refuge and strength, a help always near in times of great trouble. That’s why we won’t be afraid when the world falls apart, when the mountains crumble into the center of the sea, when its waters roar and rage, when the mountains shake because of its surging waves.

Jeremiah 29:10-14
The LORD proclaims: When Babylon’s seventy years are up, I will come and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place. I know the plans I have in mind for you, declares the LORD ; they are plans for peace, not disaster, to give you a future filled with hope. When you call me and come and pray to me, I will listen to you. When you search for me, yes, search for me with all your heart, you will find me. I will be present for you, declares the LORD , and I will end your captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have scattered you, and I will bring you home after your long exile, declares the LORD .  
Romans 8:33-39
Who will bring a charge against God’s elect people? It is God who acquits them. Who is going to convict them? It is Christ Jesus who died, even more, who was raised, and who also is at God’s right side. It is Christ Jesus who also pleads our case for us.

Who will separate us from Christ’s love? Will we be separated by trouble, or distress, or harassment, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?  As it is written, We are being put to death all day long for your sake. We are treated like sheep for slaughter. 

But in all these things we win a sweeping victory through the one who loved us. I’m convinced that nothing can separate us from God’s love in Christ Jesus our Lord: not death or life, not angels or rulers, not present things or future things, not powers  or height or depth, or any other thing that is created, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

For years, the church held a strong line against divorce.  Many people were ostracized by the church as it enforced strict policies against those who got divorces.  Some churches still make it very difficult to get divorced and remain a member of the community of faith.


So what does the United Methodist Church say about divorce?

God’s plan is for lifelong, faithful marriage. The church must be on the forefront of premarital, marital, and post marital counseling in order to create and preserve strong marriages.

However, when a married couple is estranged beyond reconciliation, even after thoughtful consideration and counsel, divorce is a regrettable alternative in the midst of brokenness. We grieve over the devastating emotional, spiritual, and economic consequences of divorce for all involved, understanding that women and especially children are disproportionately impacted by such burdens. As the church we are concerned about high divorce rates. It is recommended that methods of mediation be used to minimize the adversarial nature and fault-finding that are often part of our current judicial processes encouraging reconciliation wherever possible. We also support efforts by governments to reform divorce laws and other aspects of family law in order to address negative trends such as high divorce rates.

Although divorce publicly declares that a marriage no longer exists, other covenantal relationships resulting from the marriage remain, such as the nurture and support of children and extended family ties. We urge respectful negotiations in deciding the custody of minor children and support the consideration of either or both parents for this responsibility in that custody not be reduced to financial support, control, or manipulation and retaliation. The welfare of each child is the most important consideration.

Divorce does not preclude a new marriage. We encourage an intentional commitment of the Church and society to minister compassionately to those in the process of divorce, as well as members of divorced and remarried families, in a community of faith where God’s grace is shared by all.

From The Book of Discipline of The United Methodist Church - 2008. Copyright 2008 by The United Methodist Publishing House. Used by permission.

The Wesleyan Quadrilateral, a concept accredited to John Wesley, (but named by Albert Outler), helps us figure out what we believe and helps us form our theology. By using the tools of Scripture, Tradition, Reason and Experience we can come to discover our stand on important issues.  Wesley would put a heavy emphasis on Scripture, but not to the exclusion of the other three.  

We’ver looked at SCRIPTURE and I’ve shared with you what our TRADITION, United Methodism has to say.

Now let’s use our heads.
I read this story from another pastor (regrets...I didn’t save the link)  
   
Imagine your home is surrounded by a four-foot high, foot wide stone wall.  Beautiful! But you have fours sons who view that wall as a bicycle challenge.  You’ve told them over and over and over again that they MAY NOT ride their bikes on the wall. Ever.  

But, of course, one day one son decides to ride his bike on the wall.  And as feared, he falls off the wall and breaks his leg.

What should his parent do?  Shout about disobedience and rule-breaking and storm off?  Or take a look at that leg and get medical attention?  

REASON DICTATES:  taking care of the broken leg is paramount.  I believe God operates much the same way.  God’s rules are for our safety, protection and well-being.  But when we have broken the rules and end up broken ourselves, the reasonable thing is for a loving God to tend to our spiritual hurts and work to make us well again.

EXPERIENCE:  My experience of God is grace, love, forgiveness, fresh starts, strength when I am weak, guidance when I am lost.  

I hope that is your experience of God, too.

Imagine, if you will, shopping for school supplies.  On every child’s list is a box of crayons.  I know you have collected hundreds of crayons, slightly worn or broken in half in the course of your life.  Crayons that could still work.  But is there anything more beautiful than a box of brand new crayons...you can see in your mind’s eye exactly how they look....the wrapper is whole and clean as it wraps around the middle, the tip is just right....a new crayon is a little bit of heaven.

Box of new crayons. A woman came to Douglas a number of years ago for the first time on New Year’s Day and was given a box of brand new crayons.  There is no way the pastor that day could have known her particular pain.  She’d been unwelcome at other churches because she was getting divorced.  Her heart was broken her spirit crushed and she was seeking solace and healing. When she walked in to Douglas and received a box of brand new crayons symbolizing a fresh start and a new beginning, she began to sense a future of hope and resurrection.

I believe the gospel was preached in that box of crayons.

As we sing our closing song, Hymn of Promise please note that this is usually used around death as a promise of a future with God.  The promise of God isn’t that we won’t die, but that death cannot, will not, shall not be the end.

If divorce is  kind of death, our faith teaches us to look past death to new life.  Thanks be to God.






(Acknowledment to: FAMILY MATTERS: #3, “DIVORCE: When a Marriage Falls Apart” 5-16-10, Rev Dr. Michael Dent, Trinity UMC Denver, CO, for some thoughts and framework).